Lost In Care

Over 12 years working in residential children's homes. 5 years training foster carers and care staff. Trainee child psychotherapist. 14 years in care as a child. Diary, anecdotes and rants about the good, bad and mediocre. Anonymised but all true.

Author: Jack Brookes (page 1 of 7)

Jenny: the unimaginable and the untouchable…

I guess I’ll start with the bare facts:  Jenny had been living with her father until just under a year ago when she disclosed he was physically abusing her.  She was removed.  A few months later Jenny discloses her father sexually abused her.  He confesses but claims he didn’t do anything wrong because they were ‘in a relationship’.  Jenny’s father is charged with multiple counts of rape and possessing indecent images.  It is because of the material found on his hard drive that we can be certain the abuse of Jenny started when she was two-years-old. Continue reading

Judgments, assumptions, opinions…

What do you think of Donald Trump?  Seriously, think of some words you would use to describe him now.  I reckon most of the readers of this blog will have had negative thoughts to say the least – I am making an assumption but it is an assumption I would stake my life on.  Just out of interest, did you judge the behaviour and not the person?  Like we’re meant to?  I bet you didn’t.

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Melancholia…

When I was about 20-years old, I shut myself away for a few weeks in the one room I was living in. I didn’t answer the phone or engage with the outside world in any way – other than to cash my dole cheque to buy food and baccy. The baccy ran out of course, so I would recycle my dog ends, and then recycle them again.  I can still remember the smell of my fingers.  Food would run out too of course, so occasionally I had to venture out and shoplift.

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A wounded healer…

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung used the concept of “the wounded healer” (which he borrowed from Greek mythology) to describe his belief that psychoanalysts need to use their awareness and understanding of their own emotional struggles in order to help others with theirs.  He also believed  that through this process the analyst would help to heal him or herself.

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Why would a 14-year-old girl swallow a battery?

Firstly, before I become all “left-brained” about this, imagine actually doing it.  Close your eyes if you need to.  Imagine the feel of an AA battery in your hand – the size, the weight.  Notice how solid it is.  Now imagine resting it between your lips – the feel of cold metal.  Picture yourself pushing the AA battery, with the tip of your finger, all the way into your mouth and towards the back of your tongue.  Now imagine swallowing.  Go on – really imagine it.

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Dear Mum…

I wonder where you are right now?  I am here – in my bedroom, in the house that I share, lying on my bed, propped up on pillows, legs bent to push this laptop close to my hands.   I can hear the breeze in the trees outside, the gentle thump of the tumble dryer downstairs, and a train passing. I can feel the weight and  heat of the laptop on my thighs and stomach.   I can feel my hair, still damp from a recent bath and a vague, but always with me,ache in my lower back – I assume it is an unavoidable symptom of the gradual onset of middle-age.  And I am thinking about you.

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