I guess the question above can have both an emotional and literal meaning. All I can say is I stopped blogging for a while because life became difficult…well…even more difficult. Suffice to say I no longer work at the children’s home my previous blogs related to. I work at a much more “bulk standard” one. It is not very good. I will write about it soon enough.
It is not possible to write in detail about why I left my other job. I would come across as bitter (because I am), I would come across as misogynistic (I am not – but sometimes I can be), and this blog – while intended to be honest – is not a misery memoir.
What I will say is it was a catastrophic and poisonous cocktail of the personal and professional and an organisation, people I trusted, people who spend their lives thinking about complicated dynamics, failed to do so and let me down when I needed them.
What I will say is that Jeanette (who I refer to in earlier posts) and I were (symbolically) the dysfunctional parents of Sarah. And Jeanette managed to manipulate the judge in the divorce proceedings (stay with the metaphor) and, other than Christmas and birthday cards, I am no longer allowed contact with my daughter.
I am in pain.
Over time I will not doubt reveal aspects of what happened – or at least explore aspects of it – in seeking to explain the complexities of my work.